Well, I had planned to celebrate the end of the holiday with grilling out tonight, but Marnie hid some of my necessary oil and spices. I did end up making a kosher meal, so at least I did something… Kind of… And we had another Popsicle party outside, so that was fun too. The next holiday is in a couple weeks, so hopefully I can better prepare for it.
Tomorrow I will be celebrating my first Jewish holiday, Lag Ba’Omer. Feels kind of weird to be celebrating a holiday I’m not exactly sure how to pronounce, but I’ll work on that later 😉
This holiday is celebrated with traditions and customs as apposed to a formal ritual which makes it the perfect starter holiday in my opinion. Traditionally you celebrate with parties, bonfires, and picnics. The kids and I will just be having a brunch picnic in the backyard, which may not seem like much but it feels good celebrate, even if its just in a small way.
“Do not let your fears choose your destiny”
Though I am sure of my path, there are still fears I have to overcome. Some of my fears:
- That I will be bad at Hebrew and a slow learner
- That some of my family won’t take this change in my faith positivly
- That it may put a strain on my marriage at times
- That I will feel isolated
- I won’t make any Jewish friends
- Other Jews won’t be accepting
- That I won’t be “good” at being Jewish
- I fear the difficulty around holidays in keeping a difference between celebrating Christmas and Easter with my Christian family members, but them and us knowing that we are helping them celebrate their holiday, not our holiday
- Not making a good impression
- Being socially awkward, shy, or offensive
and I’m sure there are many more I can’t think to list right now 🙂
My goals for the next couple weeks:
- Buy Shabbat Supplies
(I will start small just candles and a candle holder)
- Learn the three Shabbat blessings
(candle, wine, and challah)
- Bake my first Challah bread
- Celebrate my first Shabbat
- Contact a Rabbi to formerly discuss my conversion
- Attend a service at a Synagogue
- Look into getting a mezuzah
- Look up a few Jewish prayers
I’m really excited to celebrate my first Shabbat! There are other supplies traditionally used, like a Kiddush cup, challah cover, and a challah board/tray, but for budgetary reasons, I will be holding off for now. Plus, its good to ease my way into it too, I suppose.
I’m nervous for 4 and 5, understandably so I believe. Not that I think clergy are scary, but this is hopefully going to be the Rabbi to teach me and help me convert. What if he doesn’t like me or doesn’t think I’m serious? I have never stepped foot into a synagogue and I don’t know Hebrew and I don’t know any Jews to tag along with. I’m a very shy person and can be socially awkward at times. I really don’t want to stand out like a sore thumb. Eeeek!
I really cannot wait to get a Mezuzah. I’m not sure if that’s in the budget right now or how to get the parchment that goes inside. So this step may have to wait.
The “Choosing Judaism” book I read yesterday recommended knowing the Shehecheyanu Prayer to have on hand during special moments or when you accomplish something. Since I feel I will have a lot of personal and spiritual victories coming up for myself, I think I’ll start with this prayer.